Mask and Mirror

How many hearts?

How many hearts does it take to build the world?

How many hearts does it take to understand the world?

"When we're finished, little brother," he says, ruffling your hair, "I won't just show you outside this castle. That's dull in itself, really..."

He takes you to his telescope and lifts you up onto the stool, lets you look through its lens.

"We'll see all those worlds. Countless worlds. But you have to help me. I can't get us out if I can't remember..."

You stand enraptured by those glittering lights. You've always longed to leave the castle, but you never thought about going further. You hear his words, though, your older brother, the only friend you've ever really had.

"Can you ask Father to build us a lab?"

You take a small breath. You step down from the stool, closing your eyes, remembering those thousand glittering lights. You say, softly, in that voice you currently reserve only for a few:

"Yes."

***

How many hearts?

You turn away at first, burying your face in Even's leg, hiding behind Aeleus, but eventually Dilan makes you watch. You're terrified but Xeh takes your hands and he strokes your hair and he tells you how brave and clever you are, how important you are, and how much this matters to him.

"Sacrifices have to be made, Ienzo," he says. "To get what you want, you have to give some things up."

"But you're killing them," you whimper.

"Noble sacrifices to a worthy cause. We'll make the whole world better for everyone else, I promise. I promise."

And if Xeh promises it must be true, you know this. You suspected him at first, but he grew on you, as he grew on everyone, with his smiles and his charm...

So you turn and you look at what happens. You watch. And then you help. And eventually it's you who holds the clipboards, who works the injectors, who watches, and you start to revel in their terror. Your body is a child's, but your mind is something else entirely. You begin to appreciate the artistry in pretending, in emulating. You reflect their mannerisms back at them, you act an adult in a child's body.

Inside, you're screaming.

***

You used to watch the two teenage boys try again and again to get in, and you wondered what it was they wanted. A part of you wanted to talk to them, but the red one was frightening and brash, and the blue one was cold and intimidating, and your voice was silence save for a few. Why did they want into the castle? To you, it was a prison, surrounded by water. But to them, the way they looked up at it, they must have thought it paradise itself.

You tried, one day. You snuck out the secret waterway through the gardens, and you were about to speak to them when Evan yanked you back by your shirt collar and dragged you off. You knew better than to struggle by then.

One day, you sit on the wall, kicking your legs and eating a bit of ice cream, and then Xeh comes up and stands behind you, watching too.

"They're interesting," he says. He's changed, over the past few weeks. His voice carries an edge of something... strange. You aren't sure if it's inspiration or madness. In any case...

"Do you think you can bring them to me? I want to talk to them."

You hesitate. "Will we..."

"No, no," he says. "No, their hearts are too interesting for something so simple. No, I think, perhaps, they might be useful as helpers."

You allow yourself the luxury of a little smile. Maybe you can be friends after all? Friends, real friends... not exactly your age, but closer than anyone else, even Xeh.

"I know about your secret passage," he says with a wink. "You can bring them in through there."

You nod, hopping off the wall. You'll see it done.

***

You practically skip. You're going to make real friends, outside the castle walls. You're going to make your brother happy. You're going to be useful, helpful. Important. You like being important, being in charge. You scamper down the steps. Xeh assures you that Even will be too busy to come after you, and that gives you an extra burst of speed.

The town is confusing and full of people, and for a little while you're lost. But then you remember: you snuck out that one day to the Moogle shop, where that one fellow sold ice cream, and you head back there. And sure enough, there they are: blue and red. You run up and pull at the blue one's sleeve.

"What?" he asks, flatly, a note of anger in his voice. You shrink back. Your voice (your troublesome voice) catches in your throat. You stammer.

"Jeez, Isa, don't be such a creep," says the red one. "Yo, hey."

Isa blinks, then softens a bit. He tilts his head at you, pondering.

"Are you the boy from the castle?" he asks. "What are you doing out here?"

You choke on your words. Part of you wants to run, but you have to do this, for Xeh. You shift your weight and wring your hands.

"Um," you manage. "S-so, you wanted to. Um. Get into the castle, right?"

The red one rolls his eyes. "Yeah, and? We've tried! The guards keep catching us and throwing us out!"

"But he got out," says Isa. "And so, there must be a way in."

You nod. "I know a um, way. A few, actually, er, the guards don't... really. Um. Check. The waterways?"

You breathe. There it is.

"Woah, really?" asks the red one. "For serious? And you'll show us?"

You nod excitedly. Isa looks as though he's about to say something, but then he sighs and shakes his head.

"Well, I'm Lea, and this is Isa, and we're friends now, so what's your name, you have to have a name, right?"

Friends. Friends. It was that simple. You didn't even have to speak properly.

"Ienzo."

"Cool!" He grins. "It's great to meet you, and man. Isa, this is it! We've got our way in!"

***

You lead them through the twisted hallways beneath the castle. Soon. Soon they'll be helping you too, and then after you work you'll be able to play together. To do... you don't know. What do normal kids do? Play..? or something? Whatever it is, you're sure it will be fun.

As you lead them, you find it easier to speak. Your words are for them too now, and you think, maybe they can be for everyone.

"So you never get to leave?"

You shake your head. "Even doesn't let me. Father -- Ansem -- says it's too dangerous. I think they're all fools."

Isa shrugs. "I believe their caution may be justified. The city's fairly safe, but anything can happen..."

You stop, turning to face them. "But I've never had any real friends at all, before you! I've never gotten to see a single thing outside this castle. Everyone tells me that I'm to learn everything, but how can I learn everything if I'm not allowed to see anything!"

Lea is actually quiet for once. "Man, I never thought about it that way," he says. "I mean, jeez, I think the town's pretty boring for one, but I guess if you're cooped up in the castle, it must seem pretty great..."

He grins. "But hey, after this? You can come play with us anytime you like. We'll make it a regular thing. We'll show you everything about the town!"

Isa just sighs. But then he nods. "I do agree that it's wrong to deprive you of anything outside these walls..."

You're almost breathless. You can't stop smiling.

"We just have to get all the way in. I promised my brother you'd get to meet him. He wanted to see you..."

They look at each other, surprised. "The prince? Xehanort? He wants to see us?"

They look back at you, and then Lea starts to grin. "This could be it, Isa! Our ticket to easy street! Everyone'll know our names now! Friends with the prince!"

Even Isa has to crack a smile at that. "Man, I'll never hear the end of it now, will I? Lord Lea, Friend of the Prince..."

Lea punches him in the arm. "And lord Isa! Jeez, like I'd leave you in the lurch..."

You tug at both of them. "Come on now, we can't keep him waiting!"

You race each other through the tunnels, laughing. You stop to play a little tag, and finally you come out into the main hall of the lab, and then you stop short in your tracks. All three of you stop short.

There's Even, laying on the ground, his eyes blank an lifeless; there's Dilan and Aeleus, and even that jerk Braig. And standing over them is your brother, with a...

"A... keyblade?" you ask. You take a step back. You're all frozen in fear. Lea and Isa look at you in confusion, but your expression betrays you. You didn't know this would happen.

You didn't know about any of this.

"Ienzo!" he says with a smile, and you still can't run, because for a moment you think, maybe it's alright. Maybe it'll all be okay. "You've done so very well..."

They don't run either. You stand, all three of you, arrested by it all. He walks forward and he ruffles your hair affectionately, but you still stand paralyzed. Afraid.

"You've brought us our first two from outside our group. And I'm sure they'll be perfect. Strong. True. Loyal. Once they've been... unburdened, of course."

He steps back and points that blade at your chest. You look down, uncomprehending.

"The heart. So useless, in a creature like you. It ties you down. Holds you back. Think of how much sharper your intellect would be, without all that troublesome light to blind you... let your light fade, my dear brother. Let your heart return to Darkness."

How many hearts?

And, how much pain?

You cannot even scream. The sound you make is more like a whimper because what you feel is your heart and soul being separated, rent from each other, and you feel yourself reaching out towards that fading light or maybe it's reaching back towards your own shadow and you cry out please

oh, please

don't go

Slowly, every emotion you have, even longing, even fear, fades to pain

And then this, too

fades

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